"The Self-Love Journey: Recognizing Your Worth"

Dear Friend,

I want to talk to you about something profoundly important, something many of us struggle with - self-love.

Until you choose to treat yourself with respect, no one else will. You see, we teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. This can be particularly challenging for mothers. The moment you realize you're pregnant, you become acutely aware that your choices affect someone else. Some of us were raised by mothers who didn't take care of themselves, passing on the belief that self-care is secondary.

You've probably heard the airplane safety instruction: "Put your oxygen mask on before assisting others." This is crucial. If you don't take care of yourself first, you might not be able to help others effectively, even your child.

We're often taught not to be selfish, to "esteem others higher than yourself," to believe that "the first will be last, and the last shall be first," and that "it's better to give than receive." We're indoctrinated to put ourselves last, to deny our own needs.

Through years of personal experience, I've learned that I show people how to treat me through the way I treat myself. When I don't feel appreciated, I notice that I'm not appreciating the many blessings in my life. When I expect perfection and redo everything others do, they stop helping. When I consistently prioritize myself last, so does everyone else.

I remember my mom giving me an unusual piece of advice after I had my first daughter: "Buy underwear for yourself when you buy it for your kids." Initially, it seemed strange, but then I realized she was speaking from experience. She wanted something better for her daughter. It's hard to believe that she couldn't spare an extra $5 for new panties in all those years. She had the means; she simply didn't prioritize herself. Ever.

Your struggles might not involve clothing, but perhaps it's time and space for yourself, time to connect with your friends. While you're juggling multiple responsibilities, does your significant other engage in leisure activities while you manage everything else? It was ironic that my husband couldn't fold towels for over 20 years until I stopped doing it. Suddenly, he figured it out.

I share this not to foster resentment but to open your eyes to your reality. It's easier to blame others for making us do everything than to take responsibility for our circumstances. But I promise you, if you start respecting and valuing yourself and your time, others will follow suit. It might lead to some disagreements or people leaving your life, but you are not a doormat. You are a remarkable human with brilliant ideas and purpose.

Remember, the outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Just as a mirror reflects your physical features, people and situations reflect your internal state. What you feel and project onto others often mirrors your own struggles. This can be good news or bad news, depending on how you interpret it. It's bad news if you feel even more stuck but excellent news if you realize you have the power to change your inner world, shaping your desired outer world.

I'm still learning this every day. It took getting sick, thankfully nothing too serious, for me to grasp that I matter too. There are days when I forget this and allow myself to be taken advantage of, followed by days of self-pity.

When you prioritize self-care, you have more to give to others, and you empower them to become better versions of themselves. Empowered people empower others, just as hurt individuals often hurt others. My family suffered due to my unconscious beliefs. Yours don't have to. Until you recognize your value, that you deserve time and space to heal physically and spiritually, and that you are worthy of love, you'll perpetuate the hurt.

I urge you to see yourself as someone who values, loves, and honors the gifts you bring to the world. If you can't do that when you look in the mirror, please reach out. I'll help you find her.

In love and service,

Dina